Mama musings

Ok, the babe is down for a nap, the little kids are playing in the familyroom downstairs and just finished up a client's hair. My computer is working again after a short hiatus and I actually have a minute to get on here! I've had so many things rolling around in head to blog about but when I've finally had time to do it, the thoughts have vanished. AKA bloggers block!

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. We have a photographer lined up and Cec and I are going to a tasting extravaganza with the caterer. (My buddy, Chan!) We've figured things out on paper and hopefully we have a handle on what needs to be done. We still need to pick out the flowers, get the dresses for the little girls, get addresses (if you want an invite send me your address!), and decide on decorations for the reception. The engaged couple still needs to find jobs and decide where they want to live. It's all a bit surreal to think that my little girl is really getting married. It's so very exciting and a little bit sad at the same time.

Not long ago, I'm sure it was just last week, I was playing outside with my two oldest kiddos when Cecy decided to run into the street. We lived on the corner of a busy intersection and I remember the panic that set in as I watched her in slow motion, running into the road. My heart stopped, I screamed, and chased after her. I remember gathering her up in my arms and sobbing as flashes of what could've happened pierced my gut. At that moment, I knew I would give my life to keep her safe. Now, here I am, turning her over to someone else's keeping and it's a difficult relinquishment to make. I know Andy will treasure and safeguard her with his whole being, but there's nothing quite like the love of a mother. I live and breath for my children, all eight of them. I've learned the hardest thing a mother has to face is letting her children go.

So many people question our sanity in our family choices, and to be honest, there are days I question myself. After all, I'm old enough to be a grandma (thank goodness I'm not yet!) and here I sit with a little baby of my own. People ask me all the time if I really wanted this life or if we're ever going to stop adding children, as if it's a bad thing. Is this the life I wanted? There's nothing I ever wanted more than to be a mom. Did I think I'd still have youngun's at this age? No but that's the fun part. We never really know what life has in store for us. I read a saying that goes, "You think my hands are full? You should see my heart!" It's so true. Sometimes my heart feels like it's going to burst, it's so full of kid-love. I'll admit there are days that I long for a quiet, clean house and hopefully someday that will be a reality but for now I'm trying to enjoy the noisy, hectic, chaos that is my family!